We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
