I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
