I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
