Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
