After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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