she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
