woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
