Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
