I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
