How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
