Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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