Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
