Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
