we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
