I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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