Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
