not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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