She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
