i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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