we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
