giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
