you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
