Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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