so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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