grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
then he tried to convert me to islam
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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