i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
