I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just tell him i said nine months
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
