I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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