So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
