Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
