That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
