I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
