Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
