I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
