hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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