Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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