my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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