We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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