Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
