All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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