Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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