i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
