Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
