Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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