This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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