apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
