Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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