I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
