So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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