"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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