I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
