its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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