There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
